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Joke of the Day

"Every minute arguing semantics on the internet Is exactly 43.56 seconds wasted."

"So Donald Trump is running for President..."

"Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon dicks on them. I hate junk mail."

"What would you call Jesus if he was born in Mexico? The Chosen Juan."

"TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays the banjo in his spare time. Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush."

"If you just got invited to do something on New Year's Eve, it means someone else cancelled."

"What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that recently broke out of prison? A small medium at large. (One of my sister's favourites)"

"Do zombies go to heaven when they die? I hope so. There's lots of nice people up there to eat."

"Neighbour: Haven't I seen you on TV? Actor: Well I do appear on and off you know. How do you like me? Neighbour: Off."

"It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen..."