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Joke of the Day

"Child: ""Mom! Mom! The dog is having it off and is f*cking!"" Mom: ""Yeah, then don't look!"" --- ___ --- ___ --- | --- ___ --- 20 seconds later the Child: ""But it hurts..."""

"There's no such thing as premature ejaculation, the truth is that women arrive late everywhere!"

"What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break."

"The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets."

"Harry: Want to see a magic trick? Voldemort: Let's see what you got Potter. Harry: Got your nose! Voldemort: You know I hate that game."

"A Nurse talks to her young Patient Kid: Thanks for helping me get through these tough times, will you come and see me when I get out? Nurse: I'd love to, but I am scared of visiting graveyards"

"My son, you were thrown out of school today for letting a girl jerk you off. Son, that's three schools this year... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

"Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say ""Bach bach bach!"""

"The most successful marriages and the very worst marriages end exactly the same way... ...with one partner watching the other one die."

"""He be dead."" Who? Your English teacher?"