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Joke of the Day

"ANIMALS IT'S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA 1. Mosquitoes 2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR 3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark"

"How does R.Kelly end a joke? Ba dum *piss*"

"this is the worst weather ive ever seen ""what about when the wind had sharks in it?"" that was a movie dad ""oh excuse me weather expert"""

"Either my 1 year old found the stash of markers or she head-butted a rainbow."

"I pull more tail.. ..than a slow kid at a petting zoo."

"Damn girl, are you the Sunday crossword because I want to spend all day doing you..."

"My dad died five years ago but I still see him everywhere I look. Makes me wish I hadn't dismembered him."

"I'm not saying it's a bad idea to bring an Ebola patient to Atlanta, I'm saying everyone should leave Atlanta because I've seen this movie...."

"Why did the Chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide"

"Did you here about the guy who had a wifi hotspot put in his foot? He wanted ""web""bed toes."