35550

Joke of the Day

"I only eat free range chicken because I only eat food that was given the illusion of freedom before it was murdered"

"There's recently been an influx of anti-gay jokes recently and I just wanted to say something: jokes using gay people as the punchline are NOT funny Come on guys"

"That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom."

"I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep."

"Lifehack: put on sunscreen before work, you trick your senses into believing you're in for a day of fun instead of soul-crushing mediocrity."

"Had a date last night, but I don't kiss and tell. So I'll tell you all about it."

"Why do teenage girls always hang out in odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"How many votes does it take to change a light bulb? Votes don't change shit."

"Dios mios! A: You shouldn't say the lord's name in vain! B: I'm not saying it in vain... I'm saying it in Spanish!"

"Kids so mixed... They won't show up in black and white pictures."