3530

Joke of the Day

"[candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition."

"I read a story about a kid that ate 4 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting... It said that he later had a massive vowel movement. Maybe a dirty joke."

"Did you hear about the Native American who tried to break the world's record for drinking tea? They found him dead in his Tee Pee."

"A man shot himself in the head at an NRA sponsored NASCAR event... while the GOP shot themselves in the foot on the NRA sponsored gun bill. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"

"There's nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack."

"I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore. Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing."

"this is your brain *points to egg* but this is your brain ON DRUGS *puts egg on pile of drugs*"

"I called my boss and told him ""the roads are blocked so I'll be redditing from home today"""

"What do you call a pirate cartoon? An animatee!"

"A young Jewish boy asks his father for $50... His father says, ""$40? What do you want $30 for??"""