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Joke of the Day

"Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety."

"What cheese do hunters use to goad a bear out from its cave in the winter? Camenbert"

"Origami Belts They're a waist of paper"

"Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be ""the dirty guy"" and no one will have sex with you"

"What do Jedi sheep sound like? Dagobah."

"As a Brit I didn't believe Brexit could be Trumped But it seems that's exactly what's happened :("

"*suddenly pulls away from kissing* BUT WHERE DOES THE STORK GET THE BABY FROM?!?"

"I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises."

"Q. What did the salt say to the pepper? A. Hey Baby what's SHAKING!"

"Hitting on a girl at a bar.... She keeps telling me ""Dan, I'm bisexual, I'm bisexual."" I say ""That's great. I buy sex too. How much?"""