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Joke of the Day
"What's long, hard, black, wet, and full of seamen? A submarine, you dirty fuck."
Next Joke
"There are 11 types of people in this world... those who know unary and those who don't have fingers. :)"
"My dyslexic girlfriend tries really hard but always ends up 96ing me."
"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."
"Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""
"Two soldiers are in a tank. One says to the other, ""I'd better get out and dry myself."""
"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."
"What do you call someone who knows all? Nostril-damus.   Works better if you read the joke out loud."
"What's the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law."
"Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?"