35123

Joke of the Day

"If someone broke up with me (doubtful) I would say 'Ok weird eyes' Even if their eyes weren't weird id say it. Because they'd always wonder"

"America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president. You could say they are going toupee for it."

"What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit? 1 figure, literally and figuratively."

"How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it"

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around."

"Whoa whoa whoa... I was stalking her first buddy..."

"What starts out happy but ends in tears? Marriage"

"What starts with ""c"" and ends with ""unt"" cunt."

"There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them."

"So, I got a card from a friend that said ""I'm Sorry"". It was all handcrafted and I didn't know what it was for, but I was flattered. I opened it and it said ""For fucking your mom"" :0 WTF!?!?!?"