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Joke of the Day

"TIL that a baby can recognize its mother's heartbeat due to how much time they spent inside their mom I can also recognize your mom's heartbeat."

"My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast."

"How does a train eat? It goes chew chew"

"women wearing veils at their wedding arent fooling anybody. you invited us to this shit we know its you under there. cut the crap lady"

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"

"My son asked my wife what true love was ""It's spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you'll miss them"""

"My stoner neighbors got divorced but it's okay because they got joint custody"

"What did the cat say when the delivery man was leaving? Purolator."

"A boy asks his mom: ""Why is my skin so much darker than yours and Dad's?"" ... she says: ""That was a pretty wild orgy, be glad you don't bark"""

"I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase."