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Joke of the Day

"Cashier: haha that's a lotta candy, getting ready for Halloween early eh Me:... Cashier:... Me:... Cashier:... Me: yep"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a Lickalottapus"

"Whenever I feel like I'm a weirdo, I remember they put little panties on peaches in Japan & I don't feel so bad"

"This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. ""You got any I.D.?"" the patrolman asked."" ""'Bout what?"" the hillbilly replied."

"What do you call a toilet seat that's missing the left side? Half-assed. (please forgive me, first time)"

"I don't understand why fat people get so much hate? They have love handle's not hate handle's"

"How many pallbearers are needed at an Indian funeral? 2, it only takes two people to carry a trash-can."

"Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago."

"My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country."

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car at the abortion clinic? When you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger."