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Joke of the Day

"My older sister constantly and incorrectly uses the word ""ironic"" to describe situations in her life. It's pretty ironic."

"What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch? Namaste."

"BEN CARSON'S WIFE: Are you coming home for dinner BEN CARSON: Go to ben carson dot com and read my plan to come home for dinner"

"Guys I have to work a total of like 18 hours today. Someone hold me. Under water."

"According to the New England Journal of Medicine, the blood alcohol level is to be measured in Lohans now"

"My wife hates it when I say ""You are just like your mother!"" Actually, she hates it when I say *anything* during sex."

"What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y."

"Do you want to hear the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There'sno point to it, anyway."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick into an asshole..."

"As a Harry Potter fan, I dream of going to Hogwarts. My friend is a Narnia fan, and he's always wanted to go to Narnia. My other friend is a Hunger Games fan, but he's good."