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Joke of the Day

"There will be no screen names left for our children's children."

"And now, a poem. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Violet is a shade of purple, so you're a lying whore."

"Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten fresh spinach instead of canned."

"My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine."

"I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. ""That's total bollocks"" I replied, by text, from across the road."

"How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was."

"I found a chocolate bar down the side of the sofa but I didn't celebrate because it was my old club."

"If Jesus invested $1 dollar when He was alive, it would have grown into $100 trillion dollars today. But that's the thing about Jesus, He didn't invest, He saved."

"Why don't boxers have sex before a fight? Because they don't like each other."

"6yo: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU 8yo: AND ALSO WITH YOU When their Star Wars obsession mixes with that time Nana took them to Catholic mass."