34557

Joke of the Day

"Man dies after body rejects sleeveless Metallica shirt because he didn't have a barbed wire tattoo."

"A friend of mine was learning to drive. The problem was he couldn't get the hang of backing the car round corners. His instructor fixed him by using reverse psychology!"

"What do you call Japanese people that fly planes? Pirates."

"What did Robin Williams do when he got to his office early? He hung around until his assistant arrived"

"What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital."

"The neighbors with the baby moved out, and now the loudest crying heard throughout the entire apartment complex comes from me."

"Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes."

"Gramps: *on deathbed* I feel like Im forgetting someth- *dies* [2 yrs later] Me: *knocking water outta my ears* *quarter falls out*"

"Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop."

"What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common? The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!"