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Joke of the Day

"5 dicks So I was at a bar and couldn't help but notice the guy next to me was pissing with 5 dicks. I was like ""Krakens! How do those even fit in your pants?"" He replied ""They fit like a glove."""

"Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we'll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up Humans: And you will be a loyal friend Cat: hahahaha sure"

"They say treat others how you would like to be treated. Now I have to go out on a date with a guy and treat him like a princess."

"ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise"

"A man was recently admitted to the emergency room because of a tendency to talk with his hands too much. He was diagnosed with gesticular cancer."

"The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?"

"What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens? Caesar salad"

"Knock Knock... Who's there? I, diddup I, diddup who? You filthy bastard"

"I don't go to Applebee's often I know how to microwave my own meals"

"What disease do neckbeard mosquitos give you? M'laria."