34364

Joke of the Day

"5 dicks So I was at a bar and couldn't help but notice the guy next to me was pissing with 5 dicks. I was like ""Krakens! How do those even fit in your pants?"" He replied ""They fit like a glove."""

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar... One looks to the other and says ""let's get shit faced"""

"Right? That noise. ~Me pretending that I know what I'm talking about when I get my car serviced"

"""ring on the wrong finger"" A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? . B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman."

"How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, take peas and put them around the hole. Now when he comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole."

"My Chinese neighbour told me he'd just opened a ""Crows shop"". I said, ""Don't you mean a clothes shop?"" He said, ""A Crows shop!"" I said, ""OK, I might pop down for a Rook."""

"My girlfriend is the best hooker in the country All her fellow rugby players agree."

"Why are atoms untrustworthy? They make up everything. Credit to /u/ipsokinetikon from an askreddit thread about what not to trust."

"What do you call really good tea? Qualitea."

"I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man. Then my stupid boss told me I'll never be a bus driver again."