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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a neolithic taking a walk? A meanderthal"

"friendzone how many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke? ... Because he screwed up the delivery..."

"Darth: You should not have come back, old man. Obi Wan: I DIDN'T. I was going to Alderaan. You caught our ship with a tractor beam. Idiot."

"What do two owl brothers say when they are carrying something? To me, to hoo."

"God plays Sims You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That's God playing Sims, he just cancelled your action."

"I regularly have gold plaques and 1st place ribbons made up for my liver so it knows just how much I appreciate all it's hard work."

"What should you always ask after someone says ""I'd fuck her, but only with a bag on her head""? Paper or plastic?"

"*12 pulls a gray hair out of my head* M: Wow, look at that! 12: Hang on. There's A LOT more! M: 12: Can I get paid for pulling these out?"

"ME: Sorry boss, I can't make it in today. Because of Ebola. BOSS: You have Ebola? ME: No but someone does and I am FREAKING THE HELL OUT"