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Joke of the Day

"As the pair of scissors steps up to the starting line, the other runners quickly realize that this race just got a whole lot more dangerous."

"let us all return to a simpler time, such as when i believed astroturf was farmed in space and brought to earth"

"What did Dave Grohl say when he accidentally dropped his sandwich? ""There goes my hero"""

"How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?"

"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"

"Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."

"My own personal hell sounds great, actually"

"I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone"

"Got arrested for playing the guitar. Because I was fingering A minor."

"Why won't the members of the Westboro Baptist Church drink whole milk? Because it's Homo."