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Joke of the Day

"My friend asked me how I got so good at guitar. I told him I'm use to fingering minors."

"We're adults. It's bad enough we selfie. Don't make it worse with the surprise face selfie"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later."

"Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. ""YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?"" Brain: Magical!"

"My sex life is like my personal record for the number of days I've been alive I beat it every day"

"I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York."

"How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Allah them"

"A damn guy in a wheelchair stole my camo jacket! You can hide but you cant run!"

"I promise to find a new girlfriend right away when my old girlfriend gets eaten by walkers. America needs a first lady."

"You'd think the police would patrol this 'Knifepoint' place more carefully... Especially with all the rape and robberies that are committed there."