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Joke of the Day

"January 29, 1802, 2 AM: I hope this letter finds you well. Are you up? March 2: I am, good sir April 6: Would you kindly come over? May 9: K"

"My doctor said I have about a month left. So I stabbed him. The judge gave me ten to fifteen years. Crisis averted."

"Donald has written a lot of books about business, but there's an interesting characteristic they all share... They all seem to end at Chapter 11. Credit (to my dismay): HRC"

"1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me."

"Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*"

"Amazing how much ""self-help"" advice never gets to the part where you cowboy up and learn how to actually help yourself. By yourself."

"What is Captain Ahab's favorite reggae band? Bob Marley and The Whalers!"

"Parents: Stop making videos of your kid coming home from the dentist all fucked up."

"What's the difference between a slave owner and Bernie Sanders The slave owner's Dick works Note: The slave owner has a slave named Dick"

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office... completely naked, but wrapped in plastic wrap. The psychiatrist looks him and down and says...I can clearly see your nuts."