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Joke of the Day

"My boss just fired me because I spent the past 45 minutes taking a crap. I don't see why he can't just clean it off his desk, and move on."

"If you ever doubt the value of writers, just follow your favorite actor on Twitter."

"You know what my favorite Armchair book is? Mein Kampfy Kouch"

"So we're basically living the plot of ""Contagion,"" but instead of dying girls keep getting bangs."

"What do gay horses eat? Dick"

"If you need help staying awake, subtract sheep in your head."

"Harness the power of my dog's wagging tail and we could step into a much greener future."

"What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason."

"What do you call a little pepper in Spanish? A jalapequeno"

"I bought my cat a box of wine... The selfish rascal only wanted to play with the box! Also, it turns out I have a serious drinking problem and no cat."