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Joke of the Day

"A guy is having sex on a first date She's giving him a blow job. He tells her ""suck it harder"". So she does. Then, he yells, ""Blow, blow, the bed sheet is up my ass."""

"Why are pirates called pirates? Because they AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!"

"A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up."

"Why is the hipster sweating? Because he wore a scarf before it was cool."

"This bum said everyone who gives him $10 gets a ""special"" surprise in the alley. My gut says no......but my heart says its a puppy!"

"What's the pound's new name? The ounce"

"There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murders, but why are there no 90th degree murders? Because murder is not right"

"Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes."

"Are you getting older and wiser? No he's getting older and wider!"

"Internet speeds would be a lot faster if it wasn't for all the bandwidth hogs watching their cats sleep by webcam."