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Joke of the Day

"My First reddit Joke: Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware store? Because he was looking for a tight seal!"

"""Give me your Vitamin Water and your organic gluten-free cookies unless there's peanuts in them because I'm allergic."" - 2012 school bully"

"I can sum up my taste in music and my political and religious beliefs in just a few bumper stickers."

"chewing tobacco must've been a hard sell: Do you like nicotine but hate smoke but love to spit smelly wet chunks of leaves? Well guess what"

"CRIME SCENE me: four dots in his neck, i suspect two vampires british officer: what about that bloody fork me: this is no time to eat sir"

"There was an accident involving 2 cars in mexico 17 people were injured."

"When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating I was like, ""O MG!"""

"*walks up to Michael Cohen's door* ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Says."" ""Says who?"" ""THE POLLS. ALL OF THEM."""

"Didn't Pull Out 3 year ago I dont Always wake up at 4 AM on Saturday....!!!!!!!!! But When i Do....it because i forgot to pull out on time 3 years ago"

"ME: I JUST WENT TO THAT NEW SALON WHERE THEY CUT YOUR HAIR OFF BY SHOOTING IT WITH A GUN FRIEND: oh cool how was it ME: WHAT"