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Joke of the Day

"Do you know what a 9V battery and an asshole have in common? No matter how hard you try, you're eventually going to press your tongue to it."

"""As seen on tv"": Get two pieces of crap that don't work for the price of one."

"What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White? Shaking Bad."

"Just sewed together 3 bras to put on my neighbor's dog to cover its horrifying tits."

"What's the most Jewish instrument? The Sachs"

"What do you call cows that don't have a sense of humor? Feminists."

"Why do grandparents have so many clocks? So they won't run out of time"

"My wife is getting fatter... I noticed when her whip cream bikini turned into a one piece"

"""Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!"" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? ""Listen!"" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN"

"Pretzels come in twist shape because the twist is how disappointed you are in your snack."