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Joke of the Day
"How do you know when it's NotTheOnion? When they're still running pieces on Hillary Clinton."
Next Joke
"The only thing more annoying than Libertarians are the people who complain about Libertarians"
"I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers"
"Hey wanna take the elevator with me and discuss what day of the week it feels like? And then we can go over what day it actually is, deal?"
"How do you turn regular water into holy water? You boil the hell out of it."
"Why don't Muslims fight each other often? Cause they don't want no beef Edit: I'm going to crawl back into my hole now"
"I have to pee every hour, on the hour. ...it's like cockwork"
"What has four legs but can't walk? A chair."
"A guy calls 911 Guy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Guy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Guy: The ugly one is winning."
"Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market? They tend to go cheep!"