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Joke of the Day

"Dad, i know I'm adopted Hi adopted, im not dad."

"How did Donald Trump know he had an STD? Because he was fired"

"[TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND] 'Oh yeah, I love to cook!' *removes salad from the microwave"

"Why don't blind people skydive more often? It scares the shit outta their dog! - - - - **Now how do the blind people know they're about to hit the ground ?** The leash gets slack."

"How are making love in a boat and Coors Lite similar? They're both fucking close to water,"

"What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck? Egg_salad"

"Where does Daredevil sign contracts? On the dotted line. *Revised from an earlier attempt."

"Give a man a fish, where's he supposed to put it? Get away from him you weirdo."

"My girlfriend said if this get 100 upvotes , we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap-on is huge and it really scares me."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"