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Joke of the Day

"Eight dwarves are in a tub, feeling happy Happy got out now they're all fucking grumpy Edit: seven dwarves, sorry"

"I like my bagels like I like my women; lightly toasted with sesame seeds and a little butter. I don't understand this joke format."

"If your new boyfriend carved your initials into a tree on your first date, let the fact he brought a knife be a sign of things to come."

"(nsfw) How do you know the female bartender is mad at you? There's a string in your bloody Mary"

"What's the secret ingredient in Bush's Baked Beams? Jetfuel."

"What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin? ""I don't know what?"" ""We're sure not sending you to the store!"""

"The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given."

"I need Jesus in my life This lawn aint gonna cut itself"

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot af, overpriced and all over me within 30 seconds of getting in the car."

"These notebooks need to move on with their lives. Yeah ""College Ruled"", get over it. You're in the real world now."