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Joke of the Day

"Two trucks carrying thesauruses got in a wreck... Onlookers were aghast, amazed, appalled, astonished, astounded, dismayed, offended, shocked, stunned, upset..."

"""UNLESS WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE THERE'S NO REASON TO SCREAM LIKE THAT!"" - me to my kid whenever he throws a tantrum"

"If you dont believe in Oral Sex, keep your mouth shut"

"Why did the chicken cross the stage? To get to the other aside!"

"*ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when."

"Welcome to your 40s! Your body will do new and exciting things such as sneeze-pee, yawn-burp, and light speed chin hair growth."

"I have an outstanding warrant for loitering. *I don't know why my brain thought this was the funniest joke to replay during my sleep this morning but it made me wake up giggling."

"Why is Oklahoma so windy? Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows"

"I won't be getting any sex tonight but I beat level 15 on Bejeweled so its pretty much just as good."

"People in Arab nations are still wondering what all the western world hub bub about hump day and camel toe is about."