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Joke of the Day

"I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation."

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"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to ""please pull up to the window."""
"If by retirement plan you mean a swear jar, then yes I do have a retirement plan."
"What is Caitlyn Jenner's favorite song? More than a Woman by the BeeGees"
"What is a suicide bombers worse fear? Dying alone..."
"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is ""beautiful""... ...because bitches love it when you call them ""beautiful"""
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you."
"""Alright, now who's ready to fuck and get some fiber?!"" - Keynote Speaker at the 'Fuck 'N Fiber' Convention"
"Please do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,258 times in a day."
"Why is Santa always so jolly? He knows where the naughty girls live."