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Joke of the Day

"I wish people's voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument."

"Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies? I want that job. I could really screw with some people."

"We were so satisfied with the year 2015 so we decided to hold out on 2016 and instead call it 2015*s+*"

"What do you call a vaping vegan?1 Nothing! It isn't like you'll be able to get a word in!"

"Q: What's another name for the ""Intel Inside"" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label."

"Were PacMan and Ms.PacMan married or brother and sister? Have some fanfic that's either really awesome or really disturbing riding on this."

"What's brown and sticky? My poop."

"Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool."

"I want an app that tells me when someone is thinking about me while having sex with someone else."

"I have a joke. Just kidding."