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Joke of the Day

"My wife left me because she said I made a meal out of everything. I intend to make her eat those words."

"What's Thor's favourite piece of clothing? Thunderpants"

"""Pilot season"" in Hollywood is when TV networks pay writers millions of dollars to think of ways people could move in together."

"Two things I hate: 1) People who form negative opinions of celebrities based only on what they see or hear on TV. 2) Justin Bieber."

"Just asked my hairstylist for the ""Bieber."" He shaved off all my pubic hair."

"- I'd like to make a reservation. - Name? - Matthew McConaughey. - Can you spell that for me? - No."

"How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? none, that's a hardware problem."

"Dammit Dad Dad: ""Whaddya got there, son?"" Son: ""Soy milk."" Dad: -pauses- ""Hola milk, soy tu padre."""

"Look at your disgusting balls. That's LITERALLY exactly what Jesus wants them to look like. #Bible"

"Why people hate Billy Mays jokes because they're corny."