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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend says I treat her like an object.. I don't know why it keeps saying that."

"North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention."

"What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time? A widow"

"Life is like a dick. If it's soft, you can't beat it, but when it's hard, somebody's gonna get fucked."

"Adam hates going out for a meal with God. He always steals his ribs."

"Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year."

"""My mother made me a whore."" To which someone replied: ""If I supply the yarn will she make me one?"" -From *All That You Love Will Be Carried Away*"

"So Stub Hub isn't a dating site for quadriplegics?"

"Opening a Christian gym called 'Jehovah's Fitness"

"Doctor Doctor you've taken out my tonsils my adenoids my gall bladder my varicose veins and my appendix but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you !"