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Joke of the Day

"*cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*"

"What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand? Cuatro cinco"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... and the bartender says, ""Hey we have a drink named after you."" The grasshopper responds, ""You have a drink named Steve?"""

"Where did the man with an undecorated yard put his spare change? His Hedge Fund."

"Neighbor thinks I'm stalking her. Any time she hears a noise she is purified. Petrified! Sorry, not easy reading a diary thru binoculars."

"I got 99 problems and the bitch heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100."

"Did you hear about the physicist who moonlighted as a romance novelist? He wrote complete works of friction."

"How many sperm cells do virgins have at any given time? Ohh.. About a handful."

"A farmer was counting his cows.... A farmer was counting his cows and initially only counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200."

"It's so weird how everyone's taste buds are different, but only mine are right."