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Joke of the Day

"*cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*"

"Show someone you love them today by rearranging the apps on their phone."

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator. EDIT: In regards to BattletardBlacknigga, I also heard this joke from my dad. Which was awkward but made it funnier in a weird way....."

"I've lost most of my hearing, but it's okay because it turns out the only thing people say to me is ""nothing, nevermind."""

"Internet Explorer. The number one browser..... For downloading other browsers."

"Endless shrimp. a.k.a sir we close at 10:30, you have to leave now Im going back in the morning and ask to continue"

"What do you do if you break your arm in two places? Don't go back to those two places."

"So a homeless guy asked me to give him $20 to hold him off until payday. I asked him when payday was, and he replied, ""How would I know, you're the one who's working."""

"To watch a reality show about a restaurant is to realize how much chef's head-sweat you've eaten in your life."

"How does the moon get a haircut? Eclipse it"