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Joke of the Day

"I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the batch of cinnamon rolls in the oven!"

"[Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music"

"How cats and dogs think Dog: These people feed me, pet me, love me, they must be God. Cat: These people feed me, pet me, love me, I must be a God."

"A girl came up to me yesterday and told me she had constipation. I replied - 'no shit'."

"I don't have a problem sharing my funny stuff with ya'll here as you c0py & paste to your Facebook, it's the damn Twitter crew I can't stand with their self righteousness and egos."

"Did you hear about the boy born with no eyelids? Doctors decided to make some for him out of his foreskin. They say that the boy is doing fine now, but he's a little cock-eyed."

"Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? ...Because Burger King didn't wrap his whopper"

"My wife's celebrity ""free pass"" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade."

"I call bs on the Ninja Turtles having those ripped abs. No way you could do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me Ive tried."

"I got hit by a can of coke... Good thing it was a soft drink."