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Joke of the Day

"I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, ""Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side."" It made me cross."

"I'll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I'll be over there for you."

"Customer: Waiter look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers too?"

"I love you, but I'm not in ""change my relationship status on FB"" love with you"

"Two silkworms are are racing each other... And they ended up in a tie."

"I'm starting to think the other moms might not like my nicknames for their kids."

"What kind of pokemon is a vagina that's just had an extended session of hard sex? Vulvasore :D"

"I like my sex the way I like my tweets. Forced and meaningless."

"I need an emoticon that's stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls."

"My friend told me I don't understand irony. Which is ironic, because we were in a dry cleaner at the time."