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Joke of the Day

"I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes."

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"Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs? It had a suite tooth."
"What do you call a powerful, asshole-ish potato? A dick-tater."
"What is the last thing you want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? 'I'm not Willie Nelson' Credit: old joke via: Norm Macdonald"
"What do they call spiders in the Middle East? Iraqnids"
"My new thesaurus is terrible! Not only that but it's also terrible."
"What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos."
"Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.."
"<-- Pops double collar and eats hamburger with a fork and knife"
"hAD SO MYCH COFFEE WHO wantS TO HELP ME STOP KONY LETS GO LETS STEAL A CAR BRO CMON"