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Joke of the Day

"New Bike Shop A registered sex offender just moved into my neighborhood. He opened up a bicycle shop called Pedal-Feelya."

"Getting straight ""A""s does not guarantee success, but plenty of evidence shows that not getting ""A""s doesn't preclude it."

"911, what's your emergency? What do you mean you've been stabbed? People can't do that, that's illegal."

"Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race."

"Children in the backseat cause accidents. But accidents in the backseat cause children."

"Naked man doing jumping jacks... db qp db qp db qp db qp"

"Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?? Because Freedom rings! Happy Birthday U.S!"

"TIL Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 per cent TL;DR It was wedding cake"

"How girls put on their pants: *Left leg* *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done.."

"I don't have a problem sharing my funny stuff with ya'll here as you c0py & paste to your Facebook, it's the damn Twitter crew I can't stand with their self righteousness and egos."