31577

Joke of the Day

"""Haha, Imagine Dragons. What a dumb band name."" -Neutral Milk Hotel fans"

"What do you call it when Professor X does a wheelie? Professor +"

"I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out."

"I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning. On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me."

"What did Ryu say when he was taking a dump?... ""IMMM-DUKEN!'"""

"Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her."

"What do you call a hard drive in a hydraulic press? File compression"

"Have you been to Iran? I don't think you should go, I don't think they like joggers."

"How long is a chinese person So is his brother."

"My cellphone is incredibly acidic... It's a pH one"