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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"If life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If life gives you melons... You might have sex daily!"

"What did the monkey say when he caught his tail in the revolving door? It won't be long now..."

"What do members of secret societies use when they get a head cold? An Illumi-neti pot"

"Don't bore a girl by saying she's beautiful, like every other shallow creep Grab her interest by saving her from a staged hostage situation"

"What was the man running around ? - from my 5yr old son Because he wanted to catch some sleep."

"Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something."

"My version of cyber-bullying is running around inside a Starbucks slamming people's laptops shut."

"Why did Sally fall down the hill? I pushed her."

"Yesterday 9 asked what's the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don't usually talk to me."