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Joke of the Day

"*nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs"

"[Opens a beer at the park] ""Dude. There's kids here."" Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER"

"My most forced joke. How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out? By moving faux wood. Rimshot?"

"What's the best part about fingering... What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period? You still get your palm red"

"Why was 11 afraid of 12? Because 12 13 14!!!!! GET IT?!?!??! source: some comment on reddit I read like 6 months ago"

"If there was a race of the mentally disturbed, the necrophiliac would come in dead last Get it cus he bangs dead bodies?"

"My ex mother in law once commented that she wished her son had stayed married to his first wife. Me too, I replied."

"(During Chemistry) Teacher, let me tell you a joke about Potassium K."

"There was a time when I was thin. Sure I was six years old, but I'm confident I can get back in those clothes."

"Good joke [SERIOUS] ^ title"