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Joke of the Day

"My 5 yr old son was just imprisoned for skipping naptime He was resisting a rest"

"Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics? Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was."

"I got stuck in a tornado once It sucked"

"What is it like to eat out an old grandma? Depends."

"Being a prostitute on the Enterprise sounded interesting... But actually it's mostly Data entry."

"What did one tampon say to the other?... Nothing, They're all stuck up cunts!"

"Good cop: WHAT ARE YOU DOING - HE WAS UNARMED Dog cop: *plants a vacuum cleaner on body*"

"If a girl texts you back ""k"" check all your previous messages to see where you fu*ked up."

"Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing."

"I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. My kids really liked her but my wife seemed mad."