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Joke of the Day

"whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him"

"A guest checked in and informed us that his plane had a ton of delays throughout the day. I replied ""well, at least it didn't disappear, eh?"""

"A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected."

"Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face-off in the corner."

"Beethoven: hey everybody, this next song's called ""Fur Elise"" Elise: omg, we broke up 6 months ago, get over urslf B: SHUT UP ELISE I LUV U"

"How do you keep a hard on? Don't fuck with it."

"Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth."

"Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."

"What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other? Ilene. What if she is Chinese? Irene."

"""no one cares abot ur plan to dig to the center of the earth! the world doesnt revolve around you!"" she said. ""IT WILL IF MY PLAN WORKS THO"""