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Joke of the Day

"Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?"

Next Joke
 
"Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty."
"An old married couple is talking... ...when the husband asks,""Sweetheart, have you ever slept with other men ?"" ""No, I only slept with you. I was awake with the others."""
"What all girls want? All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are ""69"""
"Remote start, keyless entry, feature allows me the privilege of losing my keys- while I'm driving."
"Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""
"MEDIC: ""Put pressure on the wound!"" ME: ""Hey, wound! All the cool kids are drinking and you should too!"""
"What did the Shit Summoner say at the bar ? Mind if I pull up a stool ?"
"What do you call a Redhead who dyes her hair Blonde? TransGinger"
"Kid 1: I'm bored Kid 2: me too Kid 3: our parents gave us horrible names"