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Joke of the Day

"You've heard about the moron pilot who once made a tricky landing, haven't you?It was the shortest runway he'd ever seen. And the widest, too."

"[Me narrating a documentary on guerrilla warfare] And here's more footage of people, but I'm sure apes will be in this film any minute now.."

"Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids."

"How do you know a stranger could be an engineer? Don't worry they'll tell you."

"What did the Eskimo lady ask her husband when they were having sex? Are you even Inuit?"

"I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene."

"What Do You Call it When Printers Have a Party? A paper jam"

"When someone texts ""whatcha doin"" after midnight the appropriate response is ""someone else"" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone."

"It's not a ""junk drawer,"" it's a free-spirited drawer without expectations or limits."

"What do you call a dinosaur prisoner that drops the soap during shower time? Buttholeissaurus-wreckt"