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Joke of the Day

"I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial"

"you should be able to order mcnuggets in any quantity. just have a flat price for a single nug, like a quarter. i feel strongly about this."

"The phrase ""don't take this the wrong way"" has a zero percent success rate."

"Where does a powerful king keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"Sometimes I picture my wedding and other times I take off one pant leg stare into nothing for 15 minutes then take off the other leg"

"Why was the firewood punished? It was knotty."

"Why is Jupiter both the favourite and most hated planet for Jews? Favourite because **Jew**piter is the biggest planet in the solar system Hated because it's a gas planet"

"Every religion has violent people... ... The Christians have The Westboro Baptist Church, the Muslims have the jihadists, and the Jews have the IRS"

"Roses are red, voilets are blue, Where is my foreskin? Oh wait im a jew."

"Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do."