30801

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"(climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]"

"Two cannibals are eating a clown One says to the other, ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"A good surprise is like an invisible penis... ... you never see it coming."

"Did you hear about the masochist who like cold showers? He took warm ones instead."

"Me: WOW. Look at those legs! Her: Thank you. M: They'd look great around my neck! H: Hey! M: Wish I'd brought my saw. H: WHAT?!? M: Nothing."

"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."

"Why has Mexico never won olympic gold? All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas."

"If your smartphone is wet.. .. put it into a bottle of rice. The rice will then attract asians who will repair it."

"They're not called ""butt hole mirrors."" They're called ""hand mirrors,"" according to this clerk at Walgreens."