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Joke of the Day

"Harambe walks into a bar... Bartender: What will you be having to drink? Harambe: I'll have a beer. Me: No, he'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice? Me: Yes, justice for Harambe."

"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."

"I've been seeing a lot of these lately, so here is mine. I like my steak like I like my women. White and domineering."

"What do you call a rude German? A Deutsch bag"

"OH MY GOD THE INSPIRATIONAL TWEETS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE"

"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"

"[in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ..."

"Just made eye contact with my hot neighbor through the window Wish I didn't have 6 marshmallows in my mouth."

"Acupuncture for weight loss huh? I've had little pricks before, and they never helped me work off any pounds."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when you smack it."