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Joke of the Day

"A Spanish magician is performing a trick. He says ""I will disappear in Uno, Dos... -"" He vanished without a tres."

"Why does Donald Trump always seem upset? Because it's better to be pissed off than pissed on."

"I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif"

"Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards."

"You'd think that when two atoms in a salt bond, they're being kind by sharing electrons, but actually, one atom is stealing the electron from the other. Isn't it ionic?"

"What's the safest font? Helmetica."

"A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar - The bartender looks up and says 'get the fuck out of here!'"

"Why did I divide sin by tan? just cos."

"What do they call a dog in Iraq? A Shia pet. *friend of mine came up with this and was pretty proud of himself"

"How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? You just call me..."