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Joke of the Day

"I was up late last night, trying to figure out why the sun disappeared Then it dawned on me...."

"Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!"

"""Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy."""

"A man walks into a bar and says, ""David Foster Wallace was not the greatest writer to ever live."" ."

"Which insurance company does Bernie Sanders use? Progressive."

"10: What's it like being a grown up? Me [hands her money]: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly"

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam"

"Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato."

"Why did the foot smile? He was toe very happy. Jesus that is awful."

"I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend."