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Joke of the Day

"Could eating a lot of spaghetti make me a better dad? I suppose it's pastable."

"When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan."

"Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead? I didn't even know he was sick!"

"People always get disgusted when I say I slept with my teacher... I think it's because I was home schooled."

"If I heard the person in charge of autocorrect on iPhones was that kid who fainted during the 2004 National Spelling Bee, I'd believe it."

"When your boss tells you ""I need you to have everything done by Friday."" You say... I can't have everything done by Friday! Who do you think I am, Robinson Crusoe?!"

"STEPS TO FOLD A FITTED SHEET 1) PUT SHEET ON BED 2) FOLD BED"

"50% of Indian Roads are filled up with holes. And the rest are filled up with Assholes !!"

"Today I saw Flash walking by, on the street. He must really be a shitty flash."

"*checking out of Hotel California* You can check-out any time you like ""Okay yes, now"" But you can never leave! ""Ugh where's your manager"""