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Joke of the Day

"DAD: u can grow up to be anything u want ME: imma be a hamster D: ok not that M: *already building an elaborate series of tubes to run thru*"

"What's the useless skin around a vagina called? A woman."

"I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth."

"Just gargled mouthwash all over my shirt. I'd be a horrible homosexual."

"How do you know when a politician is lying? When you see their lips moving!"

"I joined a nudist colony in Canada. To be honest, I'm starting to get cold feet."

"What did the Marvel character say when he attained full control of his Android's CPU and Kernel? I am Root."

"Knock knock (Palestinian version)... ...who's there? - Ya - Ya who? - Yahudi!"

"I just read a story about someone finding a dead body at a Walmart. HOW EMBARRASING, I'd never be caught dead at a Walmart."

"What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47."