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Joke of the Day

"What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"If Jesus died for our sin... Who died for our cos and tan?"

"As a kid my mom always told me to be loud like Helen Keller. I never thought of the fact that she was blind, deaf, and dumb."

"Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me."

"Sausage festivals... They're the wurst kind."

"I like to push the envelope because it's probably a bill, and eventually it'll fall off the table."

"Macs ranked best to worst - Fleetwood - book pros - n cheese - klemore"

"Wife: ""I saw a huge owl on my way home. Almost hit it with my car."" Me: ""Wow!"" Wife: ""Sorry, the correct response is 'O RLY?'"""

"My wife says I'm a clueless idiot. I didn't even know I had a wife."

"it's 2013 and food can still make you fat get it together science."